Bonus Update: We’re giving away a Slide HD Flip video camera. Enter to win it.
Let’s see. America decides they like Casey Abrams the least, but the “American Idol” judges think we’re all so wrong that he doesn’t even have to sing for his chance to be safe. That’s insulting. Actually, this whole episode was one big insult. I didn’t think I could hate a results episode more than I already have until tonight. It got better with the drama at the end, for sure. I’ll give it credit there. Here, I’ll give you the chronological rundown (and I must warn you, I’m going to have a snark hangover tomorrow):
Even before we see the “American Idol” Top 11 sing their weekly (horrible) group number, we get footage of Jennifer Lopez’s husband Marc Anthony showing the contestants how not to be overpowered by the band. Then he makes some jokes and blah blah. I guess I’m supposed to care, but I don’t.
Then we get to hear the Idols sing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” Yay. And it’s as bad as ever. I’m going to say something now that I’ve been biting my tongue finger not to say for a while now. Jacob Lusk works the stage like Bette Midler. And by Bette Midler I mean a drag queen. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I like drag queens. It’s just awkward when you’re not in drag. (Backlash welcome)
Anyway, the group performance. It was one of the worst ever. I thought my ears were bleeding at one time, but it was just me sweating because I had to cover my head with a blanket so I wouldn’t see how ridiculous and awkward Scotty McCreery and Casey Abrams look trying to perform with the others. It just doesn’t work. They’re not meant to dance. They’re supposed to just stand there (or sit) and sing. Even Stevie Wonder could tell how ridiculous they look. (Insert gasps and laughter here)
Yeah, so Stevie was a surprise guest, and frankly, a nice treat (the only one of the night). It was good to hear him sing “Sign, Sealed, Delivered” since no one was smart enough to sing that last night.
I’m not even going to talk about Steven Tyler’s birthday tribute because I know my therapist would tell me not to.
We finally get a commercial and I can relax. But that doesn’t last long as I’m treated to another terrible Ford commercial. I’ve never been more happy I drive a Honda.
Finally, it’s time to build the Bottom 3. This is, after all, why we’re here on Thursday nights. Of course Ryan just does that thing he’s done the past three weeks. Where he pulls up three people and they’re all safe. Don’t you think it’s time to shake things up a bit? So first up and safe are Lauren Alaina, Pia Toscano and Scotty McCreery.
Then we get a commercial break followed by some band I’ve never heard of. God, I hate Thursdays.
Next we get to see the Idols wrestling in their haunted mansion. Yay. I didn’t know what the point of that all was until after Ryan pulls James Durbin and Paul McDonald up to the stage.
First he makes us think they’re both in the bottom by saying their not safe. But silly me, they’re only not safe because Hulk Hogan heard them talking smack about him in that stupid wrestling footage! Duh! So Hulk Hogan comes out (I’m not making this stuff up). So they’re really both safe (and all the Paul haters who thought me not putting Paul in the Bottom 3 was a mistake can take that).
Have I mentioned I hate Thursdays?
Finally it’s time for some real results. Ryan brings Jacob Lusk, Thia Megia and Stefano Langone to the stage. Jacob is sent to safety, but Thia and Stefano are in the bottom. I predicted Thia to be in the bottom 3 (even though her rabid fans called me crazy), but not Stefano. That broke my correct prediction streak and just really surprised me. I thought Stefano was one of the better performers last night. But crazy things can happen on this show. Which is one of the reasons I love it (when I’m not hating it like tonight).
The remaining three contestants are Naima Adedapo, Haley Reinhart and Casey Abrams. Haley is in the bottom, right? Nope. For the first time she’s not. And neither is Naima. I guess Naima’s seizure dance moves saved her! Surprise America! Casey is in the bottom. I did mention Casey had the possibility of falling in the bottom. But again, I was called crazy. There’s one reader/commenter in particular I’m thinking of right now and I bet he knows who he is.
So Casey gets to sing for his life. But he doesn’t have to. The judges stop his performance in a move that I’m almost certain they rehearsed. I don’t think Casey knew what was going to happen, but I’m pretty sure Ryan and the judges knew. Totally lame.
At any rate, Casey is safe, and he can ride that wave for the next two or three weeks at least. His fans have been scared into voting. So we’ll probably see Haley, Naima and Thia fall during the next couple weeks.
What are your thoughts on the results episode?